‘I’d probably have more rights if my vagina was an AR-15’

Chelsea Handler began her week-long guest-hosting stint Monday on Jimmy Kimmel Live!. The former late-night host, who is filling in for Kimmel while he is on vacation, used her entire opening monologue to react to the Supreme Court reversal on Roe v. Wade, a ruling that was announced on Friday.

“I will be here all week long, or at least until Republicans make it illegal for women to talk,” said Handler. “At this point I probably have more rights if my vagina was an AR-15.”

While gun violence has become the number one cause of death among children, Republican politicians have yet to support significant gun control legislation. However, the GOP also promotes itself as the “pro-life” party.

“Universal health care, that’s pro-life,” said Handler. “Restricting guns, that’s pro-life. Fighting climate change, that’s also pro-life. Listening to doctors during a pandemic, also pro-life. Not forcing women to give birth like livestock. But your party opposes all of those things. Calling Republicans pro life is like calling O.J. Simpson pro-wife.”

Handler also shared that she had three abortions while in high school. “Because here’s the thing, this planet is a much safer place without me polluting it with my children,” she said.

Handler did her best to make Jimmy Kimmel proud while he was on vacation, including taking a shot at one of his primary adversaries, Marjorie Taylor Greene. Kimmel and Greene have repeatedly thrown barbs at each other, but most recently she claimed she reported him to the Capitol police over a joke he made.

Following the ruling from the SCOTUS, Greene said, “I think it’s an answer to prayer. It’s a blessing from God and this is the right thing to do.”

“Don’t drag God into this,” Handler said in response to the video of Greene speaking. “No God would be onboard with Marjorie Taylor Greene. Even Jesus Christ is like, ‘Jesus Christ, you’re awful.’”

Jimmy Kimmel Live! airs weeknights at 11:35 p.m. on ABC.

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